how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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