I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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