Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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