i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
