This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
