Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
