apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
