I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize