New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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