Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The beer is more important than you right now.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
