Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
His hands were made for my vagina.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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