Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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