yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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