We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I love you. Go after that dick
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