I wish you could order shots online.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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