What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
