Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
