I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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