My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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