Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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