my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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