it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
