do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
