My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I touched a dick in church today
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
