i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
