I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
