dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
