my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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