hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
