I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
