dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
