he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
