Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
