Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
