I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
