There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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