I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
