Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
