i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
