You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
