her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
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i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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