New invention idea: vibrating tampons
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
His nipple licking is glorious
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