he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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