it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
