He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
