Need sex. Gaining weight.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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