fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize