this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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