Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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