Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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