this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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