He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Bring me that man meat
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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