My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
