Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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