im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
