1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
