the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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