so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
pray to the hookup gods
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
