No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
