If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
