When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
