The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.