OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.