I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
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I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
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I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.