You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.