Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(347): View more from New York

Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.

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(347): Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service. http://tfl.nu/eqpl

Replies (117) Good night (4482) Bad night (1525)
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(702): View more from Nevada

what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?

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(702): what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack? http://tfl.nu/aynk

Replies (19) Good night (4531) Bad night (918)
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(602): View more from Arizona

she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...

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(602): she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot... http://tfl.nu/ac1u

Replies (6) Good night (3096) Bad night (1178)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.

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(403): I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go. http://tfl.nu/eq2k

Replies (38) Good night (5277) Bad night (1103)
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(813): View more from Florida

watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide

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(813): watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide http://tfl.nu/fnhs

Replies (41) Good night (7397) Bad night (612)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME

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(503): I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME http://tfl.nu/s14f

Replies (23) Good night (3596) Bad night (1478)
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(212): View more from New York

it was like a zeppelin in a condom

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(212): it was like a zeppelin in a condom http://tfl.nu/vkzf

Replies (27) Good night (4295) Bad night (1106)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.

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(580): You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose. http://tfl.nu/41p8

Replies (37) Good night (9241) Bad night (1414)
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(360): View more from Washington

Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?

(903): View more from Texas

Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...

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(360): Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated? (903): Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake... http://tfl.nu/fy7y

Replies (6) Good night (2475) Bad night (634)
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(708): View more from Illinois

what are we doing this weekend?

(1-708): View more from Illinois

I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.

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(708): what are we doing this weekend? (1-708): I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/uvwp

Replies (5) Good night (2060) Bad night (1173)
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(517): View more from Michigan

She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.

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(517): She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free. http://tfl.nu/s0d6

Replies (1) Good night (975) Bad night (455)
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(208): View more from Idaho

Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.

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(208): Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now. http://tfl.nu/bdx8

Replies (7) Good night (1594) Bad night (737)
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(678): View more from Georgia

I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.

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(678): I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please. http://tfl.nu/k3b6

Replies (4) Good night (903) Bad night (531)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.

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(580): I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian. http://tfl.nu/4ukn

Replies (4) Good night (794) Bad night (279)
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(+64): View more from New Zealand

You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.

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(+64): You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus. http://tfl.nu/u2un

Replies (5) Good night (1050) Bad night (386)

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