I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
