quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.