maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
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Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I just put wine in my tea
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together