sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
