i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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