i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
