And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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