we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
