just come out here and I will go home with you...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head