In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
