SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...