It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.