Texts From Last Night

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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I cannot find my penis.

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  (617): I cannot find my penis. http://tfl.nu/w331
  Replies (32) Good night (759) Bad night (2384)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her

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  (780): I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her http://tfl.nu/1b2q
  Replies (22) Good night (1011) Bad night (8154)
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  (661): View more from California

  I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.

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  (661): I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck. http://tfl.nu/we3a
  Replies (21) Good night (3824) Bad night (1927)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face

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  (419): i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face http://tfl.nu/rg2e
  Replies (29) Good night (3301) Bad night (5121)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.

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  (571): you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were. http://tfl.nu/2fw7
  Replies (5) Good night (2328) Bad night (792)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.

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  (321): Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked. http://tfl.nu/cr3f
  Replies (8) Good night (2485) Bad night (663)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.

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  (+44): She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me. http://tfl.nu/nryr
  Replies (6) Good night (1998) Bad night (947)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.

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  (912): Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane. http://tfl.nu/mwfa
  Replies (4) Good night (1801) Bad night (794)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.

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  (770): Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp. http://tfl.nu/629f
  Replies (7) Good night (1166) Bad night (1942)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.

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  (978): Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me. (978): Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex. http://tfl.nu/urbj
  Replies (2) Good night (1825) Bad night (542)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (11) Good night (907) Bad night (1489)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.

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  (832): I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair. http://tfl.nu/tpcg
  Replies (14) Good night (955) Bad night (1980)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs

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  (779): I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs http://tfl.nu/n819
  Replies (8) Good night (2074) Bad night (329)
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  (951): View more from California

  I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home

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  (951): I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home http://tfl.nu/0s5f
  Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (336)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?

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  (903): I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex? http://tfl.nu/k82d
  Replies (5) Good night (555) Bad night (201)

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