girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
