yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im six kinds of drunk right now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.