Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over