mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
