today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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