Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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